3rd October 2010

well,here i am sitting in front of the com typing lifeless things again....a lifeless things is produced when a teenager HAS NO LIFE =(
the reason i am still writing in this blog is juust to satisfy or let out my feelings a little so that i don't break down anytime soon....

A fair warning,this is more or less an emo kinda blog/post.you can leave now if you want to.

so yeah, life in university level is DEFINITELY *fun*.....shrugs*
its *fun* coz the study level is ridiculously HIGH and there's basically no tips for the exam or any specific things you must study and not.

so these days in college i usually grab a fine spot where i can hide myself from crowd's eyes.somewhere like maybe under a tree behind a building? why? to enjoy the breeze of course,and have some time alone. thinking about things,no disturbance and ect. even though i hated kampar,but the breeze is kinda....comfortable....relaxing and calms me....

and you know, the longer i spend my time in here. i am slowly but surely....turning back to my former self....the emo one...LOL
i wouldn't want change back to my emo self....but it seemed like there is no way for me to prevent it...i just cant find any REAL friends who would help me....okay i maybe look hard to get along with....but....argh i dont know how to explain it myself....


and for the past few weeks...i managed to realize a few things.
1.I have no life (LITERALLY)
2.Friends are not always with you (IN FACT THEY BACKSTABS YOU)
3.Family are not so understanding after-all (THEY JUST WONT LET YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT)

the first one i said that coz most of my time is spent on books and MOSTLY comp.LOL not hanging out with frens or what-so-ever anymore.=[

the second one....well yeah.as it is described.

the third one is abit different coz I KNOW MY OWN LIMITS in things that i wanna do.
lets take hairstyle for example.
i am not talking about having my hair bleached or dyed golden.i just wanted to keep it long!wth is wrong with that?!

and they say that *the longer you do something,the better you will be at that thing*? well,to hell with it.i am here, long enough just to get myself back to emo again??? what the hell!!!!
national service may have thought me alot of things...but not this far....

i promised myself to act more mature this time around....i nearly got into a fight just because of something small....i was thinking of wanting to get a girlfriend....but i guess i am just not ready for a relationship now....things are pretty messed up right now...
even i myself is also pretty messed up right now....
what should i do?
will God be able to help me?
will i ever change from the mistakes i learned?

i DON'T WANT TO/HOPE THAT I WON'T/HOPING TO NEVER turn back to my former self again....
is there ANYWAY/ANYONE/ANYTHING that are willing to guide me from the wrong path...?

The tears of a man is not visible to anyone except himself......